Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Getting My Foot In The Door

It's almost like I woke up one day and just decided to make videos. I gathered up the courage and turned the camera towards my face and started spilling out words. With butterflies in my stomach and completely unprepared I just opened my heart and opened my mouth. This is exactly like that feeling. I think that the fact that my best friend has a blog she kind of inspired me. If you are reading this you most likely saw the link somewhere on Facebook or you know me in real life (not the internet world.)  If you know me at all you will know at least small fragments of what my husband Corey and I have been through. 
 (The pic above are items from a keepsake box from my losses)

Corey and I have been through doctor after doctor and medication after medication to try to get that sweet little miracle. Nothing works. I have a very bad case of PCOS. My left ovary has around 17-20 cysts and my right is completely covered and has to be removed. We have had 6 miscarriages, the first, second, third, and sixth were all within 2-8 weeks, the fifth was 10 weeks and the fourth was 16 weeks. I have had one D&C and many complications. 

Every time I would lose one I would go to a different doctor and they would all tell me the same things. "These things just happen." But these things don't just happen. It is not normal for a woman to have as many miscarriages as I have had. These same doctors were also telling me at the that my case is too "severe" and "high risk" for them to continue treating me.Or they would throw out the old "There is nothing else I can do for you." These words have rang through my ears so many times that I have grown to expect them from each new doctor that takes me in on a pity appointment. When they ask for my history or look at that dreaded filled out form and see that I have  so many miscarriages that there aren't usually enough spaces for each one they just toss me to the side as a hopeless case. 

 We started fertility treatment in November 2011, we ended it after a year of treatment. I tried metformin, fertileaid, microscopes, vitamins, fertilitea, fertility messages,mid cycle scans, Clomid, Femara, weight loss, changed my diet, among a million other things. In the whole year of fertility treatment I saw four different doctors and  tried a total of 4500 mg of clomid in the months combined. Needless to say I pretty much gave up. 

That is until I went to Dr. M.

Dr. M is the doctor that performed my emergency D&C. He is a 60 year old doctor with a 100% approval rating! Everything about him is reassuring from the tone of his voice to the way he actually pays attention when you talk. When I lost my 6th baby a few months ago I saw Dr. M. He was so sweet and I knew he was going to help us when he put his hand on my shoulder and said "You are going to be a mother. There is no doubt in my mind." He is just so full of hope and confidence.

 I had tons of questions after healing up from my miscarriage so I was pleasantly surprised when I received a call from his nurse to check up on me and chat for a moment. She asked how I was feeling and I know I sounded insane with my millions of questions but she paid attention  and replied in a friendly manner. Later that night my doctor called me from his personal phone to go over my history one more time and to discuss what Corey and I needed him to do for us. I told him how we were feeling and we took it from there.

We started testing in October of 2012 for reoccurring pregnancy loss and just picked it up again! I am going to get the lab sheets to further testing this week. I don't know what it is but there is a feeling down deep in the pit of my stomach that is telling me I am about to find what this problem is... I'm about to figure out why I have lost so many. I just have this intuition. I'm nervous and calm at the same time. I'm just ready... I'm hopeful.